I Now Pronounce IGN Sonic-Haters

IGN, you have DONE IT!!!!

I just went on to IGN, and low and behold they have a Sonic Unleashed review. The opening headline? Sonic come under the moon he changes... in quality. I'm thinking 'Oh no'. The score? WAS A 7. fudging 2!!!!! And, wait it gets worse, they descirbed Sonic the Werehog as a crappy TANK of a monster! I can't believe it, THEY GOT THEIR OH SO GODLY SPEED!!!!! Why you little mothers...(breath)... oh I need to get this game so I can give a non-speed ridiculing review. I really can't stress this enough, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME FIND A CHEAP WAY TO FIX MY WII?

HELP! Wanted

God I need help. My Wii is ****ing broken! Without my Wii, I can't play my birthday gift! Without my Wii, I can't write that Super Smash Bros Brawl review! Without my Wii, I'll be helpless at Christmas! Without my Wii... you get the picture! It's not reading discs, no matter how much I scrub or how now it is, it is as blank as Kirby's brain, which is so stupid he has plenty of oxygen circulation in his head. But I really need something free (note the italics), and FAST!

Thank you!
royalfrost

Expansions for Spore

Some ideas I would welcome in a Spore expansion pack or stuff pack.




Become an Epic creature.

Aquatic Creatures

Medieval Stage

Planet Editor

MMORPG gameplay

Flora Editor

Swords in Tribal

Fire Breathing

Knights in Space

Sky High Cities

Space Cities

No Galactic Code

Genesis Device (not just the crappy Staff 'o' Life)

Climate Changing

Supernovas

Ground Troops

Customisable City Limits

Grabbing and Dragging Meals

Climbable trees

Atmoshield (shield that protects an entire planet which has a turn-off switch on another colony)

Urban Planets (plants that are covered by a city)

Jetpacks

Beaming YOURSELF down to a Planet

Challenge Creator

Real Space Fleets

Other Galactic Phenomenons (like a Dark Matter web)

Easier to defeat Grox

Dark Matter Ray (ray that can really screw up its victims)

Light Matter Ray (ray that is the opposite of its cousin)

(more when I think of some)

What's with the Sticks 'n' Stones?

Sonic the Hedgehog '06







"You wound me IGN." Love, Sonic















Fun: C+ Yeah, Sonic IS slow. But Silver is slower, and he's FUN!







Features: D WTH, there was supposed to be a speed upgrade for Silver/etc?!







Graphics: B Don't believe IGN, the game is pretty nice looking.







Controls: A- Silver is nowhere near as hard to control as some people claim.







Multiplayer: D+ Silver has an unfair advantage with his PK powa.







AI: B







Replay Value: C It's like drinking a Monster, you're bouncing of the wall one sec, then you deflate as fast as the U.S. Economy is.







Depth: D Shallow, shallow, and shallow. Oh, and shallow.







Music: A Like always.







Presentation: C- Amy, Charmy, + my slow computer combined don't equal how grating Elise is.







Level Design: D- Auuugh, where do I begin?







Single Player: B







Overall: C

I love reading IGN's Sonic reviews, cough cough. They're always so hyper-critical on the speed factor, always making some dumb excuse to give every single Sonic game that even goes 1mph slow, or doesn't execute just PREFECTO on it a bad, undeserved, lingering, cursed odor. Now I've only agreed with them on one Sonic game (Shadow the Hedgehog), and I don't agree with them on Sonic's first venture on Sonic '06. But don't get me wrong, it is a Sonic game that is far, far, from prefect.

Sonic and Shadow have been the main hedgehogs since about the new millennium. That has changed. Now we have a new hedgehog in the series. And his name is Silver.

Silver brings a unique twist to the series, offering PK powers and a more platforming style of gameplay. He is very fun, and his powa is interesting. Sadly, hardly anything is done with it and I would have loved if used it in more creative ways -- like if he could use it like a rope or leash and took a Town mission about taking a dog for a good walk :). He also ruins the multiplayer by being able to PK opponents and hold them there helpless while he runs to the end (literally my friends refused to play me in battle as Silver). His speed is another problem in hubs as they are WAY too big and Silver inches across them at a painfully slow pace. But I still consider him to be the best of the three. Why?

Sonic and Shadow's gameplay SUCKS LOLIPOPS. For once, IGN has every right to criticize Sonic's speed. He faster than Silvi but he is still ritardando (fancy word for retarded and screwed). In fact he is SO ritardando he lost a race against a disabled turtle. Shadow is just as bad if not worse. All I do is tap S,S,S,S,S,T,S,S,S,S,S... and occasionally pilot vehicles (WTH they didn't learn their lesson from the-game-that-I-don't-even-consider-a-Sonic-game?). It's stupid for Shadow, fact so stupid whenever a ball hit his head, a loud gong noise could be heard. And that attempt at super Sonic speed is just not enough to please me. The speed here fails even my ridiculously low standards for it.

As for other complaints I've heard from other reviewers, there is nothing wrong with da sound and graphics! The music is still the same high standard for music that I'm used to from SEGA. Few Sonic game have crappy music, and name the series that does (Sonic Riders). The only other issue that are even worth bring up are Elise (who is so annoying, rehab admissions went up 200%), and the crappy level design.

What on earth went wrong in the level designing station? There are some unnecessary distants to cross in the hubs. As I said before, it takes Silver forever to walk across the forest level, and it makes me wonder why they didn't give him a speed upgrade. The action stages are confusing, almost never pointing you in the any useful direction. Giving directions in a video game is idiot proof, and when you screw that up, you just can't be mentally stable. The silver medals are almost pointless (except in the 360 version, for the achievement), getting all of them yields nothing. If you put in a pointless collectible plus whacked level design, then you must badly need rehab (like Elise, who is so stupid she got sent to rehab for being 'hooked' on phonics).

But all in all, I still don't agree with the cruelty from the critics (like from IGN, who are so harsh, they hit a wall in a Sonic game and gave it a zero). And comparing him to Mario is an insult. Who wants or deserves to be compared to someone who has a trait you keep slamming Sonic for, IGN. You have every right this time, but if you ANYTHING bad 'bout the Blue Blur's speed in Unleashed, I'll denounce you as Sonic haters.

6.3

Pros: Music is awesome and Silver is fun.

Cons: Idiot-proof mistakes made in level design. Oh, and Sonic is noticeably slow.